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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What Now?

What happens after college? are we bound to the ties that are created in high school, regardless of distance? can ties that were broken be re-strengthened post high school? are the people we meet and befriend in college become our life friends? what if no friends are made? are we allowed to hold on for dear life to the friendships we've made, wish to keep, or wish we didn't let die out?
can college be a new start? is it polite to ask for a reset button? can we go up to someone ask flat out ask, "hi, i would like to start over with you. forget everything, good and bad in high school, lets restart and see where this takes us, because i am not sure if i'm happy with the way it is now and i don't really know who you are anymore."
too blunt?
how does one go about meeting new people, i'm too self aware to just bump into people, getting our papers mixed up, and twist-of-fate-ingly find out we have something in common. personally i don't think i can meet new people on my own.
if that's my problem making friends, how the hell do i expect myself to ask anyone out on a date? i can say, lets go do etc. etc., but for some reason i can't find the guts to add, "just us two." it always ends up with "the whole gang."
one on one conversations just don't seem to work for me anymore. i can talk and talk if you keep talking and talking, ask me a question, i'll answer! don't stop! then i'll stop! and then we prematurely go our separate ways.
in france, they say that during those long pauses in conversations, its an angel ascending to heaven. makes me feel nice, but what the fuck do the french say about the long pauses in conversations that just end conversations? what the FUCK do i do with that? am i cursed with really fat angels? who take excruciating amounts of time to freaking ascend?
how do we continue a conversation with someone who is so interesting, but for some reason refuses to share anything with you? talk about yourself? i've run out of things to say about myself. in all honesty, i've spent more time talking with myself than in actual conversations. it never used to be like this. we used to talk for hours. what happened?


on a side note, newly purchased Beatles Rock Band,
rocks about as much, or more than, i thought it would.
totally awesome, great it you love the beatles,
fantastic if you love music.

i also managed to watch the new film 9 today.
although people have said its boring,
they're probably just being pretentious.
fun movie!
i fully enjoyed it.
i don't really wish to say much else though.
only out of being a bit tired.




i think i love you so very very much,

Michael Castellanos!

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