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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

October 14, 2009

well its almost been a month since getting here.
i really want to go home.
i miss my family, my house, my bed, my bathroom.
heres my new home:

i just had to leave it all didn't i?
what a complete idiot i was, thinking i'd be accepted here with open arms.
its not like people here aren't nice, no, quite the contrary, most are very pleasant.
i just can't fully connect with these people. its like its still high school here, everyone already has their clicks. yes i'm welcome in it, but they're already a tight-knit group of pals. rarely can i find someone to hang out with who isn't already fully engaged in a group, or can easily part from group to group; and to that one person i say, "thank you very much!" regardless if it be from pity or not.
i must say though, the classes are awesome.
heres a picture of my schedule:

my roommate is groovy, he feels he can tell me anything, the feeling isn't mutual however. not because i'm a dick, i just don't like speaking of my personal life, fuck, i don't even like thinking about it.
i do wish i had a really good friend over here.
or anywhere for that matter.
everyone here has that one person they can tell everything to or do anything with,
everyone has a numero uno. regardless of whats going on.
it almost feels like i've left nothing for nothing.
i haven't had the rich privilege of a best friend for few years now.
and it totally sucks largely.
but i realize, you, my readers, are my best friends.
i love you dearly, and hate you passionately.
because you're nice enough to read my thoughts,
but none of you need me whatsoever.
but i don't give a shit, i'll tell you anything.
so here's my truth: i came here thinking i would have a best friend.
i came here with the hope i would have someone to introduce me to new people,
(since i'm not too great at meeting new people)
but my one flicker of hope i had in this place was extinguished day one.
you are dead to me.

on a side note i still have my escape, which was down for about a week and a half, and i almost went insane. goes to show how attached i am to my computer. hahahaha
i can sit here and write, read, watch, listen. when engaged in any of those, i get to forget where i am, and for those fleeting moments, i'm home. not just home, but home during a much brighter era of my life.
but then reality strikes like the morning after the best dream you've ever had.
"it's 2009, you are not home, and you have no one."

don't worry too much about me, readers.
yes i'm depressed, but i have been for a long time now.
(there was that period in which i was happy as a clam,
but i don't think that really existed.)
life giving me shit doesn't mean i can't keep trying here!
fuck you universe!
i'm not giving up!
-a strange guy who only talks about rock and roll wants me in his band!
-for the first time in over a year i'm inspired!
-my rage and depression are subsiding!
-i'm trying to work up the courage to ask out a pretty girl!
-my shoes glow in the dark!
-i'm iconic for being Michael, the brooding guy with long hair who rides a motor bike! (people know who i am!)
-i have a motor bike!
-i'm working on movies again!
-a fire engine full of girls my age passed by, they said i was cute.

just gotta go out there and try again.
hit the reset button of life and work my way through college.
although i don't think i'll be here long.
this is not where i belong. i'm really not wanted here.

moving on to other subjects!
- stopped work on "Vita" since i moved and do not have access to my actors
- i may rewrite "Vita" for on campus filming
- i received the new Protomen album in the mail!
you must buy it if you are a fan of rock music, operas, rock operas, megaman, or just any decent music it now, its so tasty.
it is a prequel to their self titled album, following a young Thomas Light and Albert Wiley as they first create their mechanical city.
- i started writing a new movie tentatively titled "Yesterday's News"
Tentative Synopsis for "Yesterday's News":
crappy hitman/mercenary/guy-for-hire races his ex-fiance(a bar owner/ex hitwoman)for one last hit. most likely will be funny, planning a fun twist at the end.

thats all the news for now.
keep me in your thoughts so that i don't give up.
times are tough.
thanks for reading.

everything right is wrong again,
Michael Castellanos!

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